Temples, Monks, and Coconut Juice: A Week in Chiang Mai (Thrift Tripping Asian Edition)

I never believed in love at first sight until I arrived in Chiang Mai. This small city in Northern Thailand is a vibrant mix of oxymorons. It has a charming, old-world beauty, and it’s simultaneously run-down ugly. The atmosphere is both lively and relaxing at the same time. It’s gratifying. It’s frustrating. It can drive you insane sometimes. And sometimes it’s the best remedy for everything else going on in your life. No one can pinpoint exactly why they love Chiang Mai but one thing’s for sure, this city is an ex-pat and travel blogger Mecca for a reason. It’s also one of the top tourist destinations in the world and has quite a high ratio of returning travelers. I’ve met several American retirees who all said they’d rather spend their winters here than in Florida. It’s cheaper and far more interesting. A $30-a-day budget will ensure that you live like royalty and I can personally spend my days here doing nothing without ever really being bored. There always seems to be something going on. Thai people are wonderful and very friendly and, as a tourist, you never feel like you’re being harassed by vendors as you do in some other countries.

History and Politics:

Chiang Mai (meaning “new city”) was the historical capital of the Lanna Kingdom (1296-1768) and later a tributary of the Kingdom of Chiang Mai (1774-1939), in what is today northern Thailand. It officially joined Siam (the historical name for Thailand) in 1775 after an agreement with the Siamese king who helped drive out the Burmese (a constant threat to the region). Today, it is the cultural capital of Northern Thailand, and in many ways, it is the Bangkok of the north.

The royal family figures very prominently in modern Thai culture, and the king is revered by most Thai people. You will see pictures of the king everywhere. Speaking out against the king is not acceptable etiquette.

Getting Here:

From Bangkok (and other Asia Pacific destinations), there are many cheap flights to Chiang Mai, with Air Asia and Nok Air probably being the cheapest. Buses and trains run regularly between the two cities (including overnight) but can take anywhere from 9-15 hours with trains always being slower. If you’re taking a bus, make sure to book a VIP bus through a reputable agent or at the bus station as there is an extreme hierarchy to the quality of buses in this country and it generally follows the rule “you get what you pay for.” 700 baht (about $22 US) is around what you should be paying at the lower end of the spectrum. Do not try to get a better deal unless you’re looking for an adventure. Anyone who offers you a better price is likely scamming you, so be careful and do your research before you hand over any money.

Getting Oriented:

The Old City of Chiang Mai rests inside a moat and is surrounded by a crumbling wall built in the 1200s. It is designed more or less on a grid with streets either going north to south or east to west so it’s relatively easy to figure out. Outside of the Old City walls is a whole ‘nother monster. It’s also mostly on a grid with some historic buildings but you’ll likely be spending most of your time in the city walls, with a few excursions to the night bazaar, a few temples, and the surrounding countryside (the jungle). Traffic here can be a menace so beware.

Getting Around:

Public transportation is almost non-existent inside the city. The Old City itself is quite compact but sidewalks can be lacking in many places (and by “lacking” I mean there are no sidewalks). Walking is generally doable but crossing streets can be tricky at times. The drivers are crazy and pedestrians never have the right of way. Bad combination. Even the ex-pats drive like maniacs here. They probably learned this from their Thai wives. I occasionally just pull a “New Yorker” and walk directly into the center of the street, giving the drivers the “death stare” in the hopes that I will intimidate them into stopping. Oddly enough, this actually works. I don’t recommend it but it may be your only hope for actually getting across the street. Remember, Thailand took the British side in the right vs. left side of the street driving debate so look right then left before crossing.

Taxis are another way to get around and are quite cheap. From the airport to the city costs 120 baht (about $3.70 US). There are also plenty of tuk-tuks (pedicabs) that you can hire that are a lot of fun.

For an authentic Thai experience, flag down one of the many red pick-up trucks called “song theaw.” You’ll be seated on a bench in the back of the pick-up with a bunch of strangers and an open doorway (there’s a roof but that’s all). You can get from one end of the city to the other for as low as 20 baht (60¢) or you can hire it out for the day to take you to some nearby tourist attractions – 600 baht ($18) for half a day up to 1,000 baht ($30) for the whole day.

Temples:

Chiang Mai has enough temples to make you dizzy. There are over 300 Buddhist temples – an overwhelming variety to choose from – and many of them are worth the time to explore. Favorite temples are in the eye of the beholder and people tend to have different criteria for ranking them. If you’re only here for a few days, there are two that you shouldn’t miss: Wat Phra Doi Suthep and Wat Chedi Luang (“wat” means temple in Thai, “chedi” means stupa, and “doi” means mountain). Before you go, you should read up on different Buddhist temple styles in the region, as you will have a much deeper appreciation for what you are seeing. Typical Thai Buddhist architecture incorporates a lot of gold – golden roofs, pagodas (stupas), bells, and Buddhas. There are also intricate geometric details and specific animal themes such as dragons, elephants, etc. Each has its own symbolism. Either way, the temples are mind-bogglingly beautiful so you will enjoy them even if you don’t understand the meaning behind everything.

Doi Suthep is a mountain about 40 minutes outside the city. It includes the temple, a national park, the royal family’s winter palace (Bhubing Palace), and the Hmong hill tribe people. If you have time to visit all of them, you should. Doi Suthep has been a Buddhist place of worship dating back to 1383. The temple complex is quite large and you will need to spend at least 45 minutes to an hour in order to see it properly. There are 300 steps to climb to the top (don’t let this deter you – the climb wasn’t bad at all) but there is also a cable car for the lazier among us (it costs 30 baht or about $1 US and you will probably have to wait in a long line). Admission to the temple itself costs 30 baht and includes a great view of Chiang Mai from a terrace at the rear of the temple. You can get to the temple by hiring one of the many red pickup trucks (song theaws) from anywhere in the city.

Wat Chedi Luang is in the middle of the city (it is literally almost the exact center of the Old City). The cool thing about this temple is it’s actually a massive pile of ruins – the remains of the original structure that collapsed after an earthquake in 1545. Somewhat resembling an Incan temple, you will need to climb up a flight of ancient stone steps where a giant golden Buddha awaits inside shielded by two dragons. You will probably do what most people do and that is take a 360 degree survey of the temple, snapping pictures at every angle because each one is even better than the last. While you’re there, be sure to check out the reclining Buddha in the smaller structure behind the Incan temple.

There are several buildings on the premises and it serves as a monk university. There’s also a “Monk Chat Club” where you can ask the monks any question you may have.

Other notable temples include Wat Chiang Man (the oldest temple in Chiang Mai), Wat Phra Singh (an impressive example of classic northern Thai architecture dating back to 1345), and Wat Pan Tao (right next door to Wat Chedi Luang and made entirely of wood). But as I said earlier, temples are in the eye of the beholder. Take some time to explore out-of-the-way temples as you’ll probably find something no one bothered to write about on Tripadvisor. I found a beautiful white temple, (somewhat resembling the white temple in Chiang Rai) called Wat Mahawan on the way to the night bazaar one evening. It’s literally hidden in plain sight on a busy road in between the Tha Phae Gate and Chang Klan Road. It’s not as beautiful as the one in Chiang Rai but definitely a pleasant surprise.

For a completely different experience, visit some of these temples at night. You may not be able to go inside the shrines but they’re much more serene after dark.

Remember that these temples are working temples. You will see monks walking around in their orange robes and you will see worshippers praying, meditating, lighting candles, burning incense, etc. You are requested to dress modestly (that means no shorts, cover your shoulders, that sort of thing) and remove your shoes before entering the shrine. Buddhist etiquette also forbids you from having your feet pointing towards the Buddha (so sit with your feet under you), or standing taller than the Buddha.

Markets:

Chiang Mai has some of the best markets in Thailand. You will find handmade goods here that are exclusive to this region from silk pashminas to knitted handbags to jewelery to northern Thai specialty cuisine. The night markets are ridiculously awesome and generally take up entire avenues, with the Sunday night market shutting down half the city. Vendors bring their children and pets to help out. But you won’t just find merchants selling their wares and delicious street food here, there will also be massage parlors set up, Thai dance performances, and rock concerts along the way. The illuminated temples are used as a backdrop for the markets with some temple yards participating in the fun as street food vendors set up shop alongside 700 year old Buddha statues. Speaking of street food, be sure to try everything from thai coffee, fruit shakes, and coconut juice, to spring rolls, pad thai, khao soi,and mango with sticky rice, to the more, shall we say interesting cuisine (fried bananas, goldfish shaped pancakes with fillings, they also have fried bugs but I don’t know if anyone actually orders these). Food is cheap so feel free to splurge. Even if you eat every hour, you’ll probably only be spending $10 US in total. Vegetarians are well catered for, but ask about fish sauce, which is used in many vegetarian dishes such as pad thai. The pineapples here are sweeter than the Hawaiian ones you’re used to so make sure to try those both in fruit and shake form.

The Night Bazaar (along Chang Klan Road) is on every night but it’s a bit more touristy and the prices are higher. The Sunday night market (Walking Street) extends from the Tha Phae Gate along Thonon Rachadamnoen Alley all the way to Wat Phra Singh, including many of the side streets along the route. You really should see this once. It’s huge! The entire city comes out to shop and traffic is brought to a standstill. At 6 PM sharp, the national anthem is played over the loudspeaker. Everyone stops what they’re doing, stands still, all the hustle and bustle comes to a halt, and aside from the singing, you can actually hear a pin drop. My personal favorite is actually the Saturday night market on Wua Lai (just south of the Chiang Mai Gate). For some reason, it’s not as well known as the other two so it’s mostly frequented by locals. This is a good thing. You’ll probably find better deals here and have a lot more fun people watching.

Hand woven skirts…

I really loved these carved soaps…

Day Trips:

Chiang Mai might be cheap but activities in the area can set you back budget-wise if you’re not careful. Due to the lack of public transportation options, you’re kind of stuck with whatever packaged tours are being offered. A typical day trip costs around 1,000 baht (about $31 US). As a general rule, the 2 or 3 day trips are a better value than the 1 day trips and the shorter trips can probably be done without an organized tour. I took an organized tour to Doi Suthep for 600 baht ($18 US) and immediately regretted it. It’s not that it was a bad tour, it’s just that I could have done it for a lot cheaper by hiring a song theaw. Plus, the experience would have been a lot more memorable. If you’re traveling with a friend or two, it’s almost always cheaper to hire a taxi or a tuk tuk to take you around. The Chiang Rai-Golden Triangle tours are a waste of time and money. For 900 baht, it’s not really much of a rip off, but considering that you can take the bus to Chiang Rai to see the white temple (Wat Rong Khun) for much cheaper, and that you don’t actually get to see much across the Burmese and Lao borders, it’s probably better off as a do-it-yourself tour. You can read up on the opium trade online if you’re interested in the history of the Golden Triangle. I also find the tribal village visits to be a bit lacking. You don’t get to experience much in an hour, especially when you’re being rushed from one activity to the next. But my main beef with the organized jungle trekking tours in this area is that they usually include an elephant ride through the jungle.

What’s wrong with riding an elephant through the jungle?

Many people come to Chiang Mai to ride elephants in the jungle but they don’t realize what actually goes on behind the scenes. Many of these elephants are captured in the wild, they are usually baby elephants ripped from their mothers who are sometimes killed in the process. The babies are then put through a training process called “phajaan” which is meant to “crush the elephant’s spirit” by using bullhooks which are metal hooks inserted into the sensitive skin of the elephant’s head, often until it bleeds. The bullhook is meant to cause pain and to induce the animal to behave in a certain way. Eventually the elephant becomes “submissive,” at which point, you can come along and ride it.

Many tourists are turned off when they witness the bullhook still being used to discipline the elephant while they are riding it. Others relate that they see the elephants chained up at night, not being able to move even when they’re not technically working. Some of these elephants look sad and depressed and that’s because they are exhausted. You are probably their 5^th rider for the day and they’ve been doing the same routine every day for years. If they slow down for even one minute, they are immediately “disciplined.” I knew when I heard these stories that if I saw this with my own eyes even once, I would never want to come back to Thailand. But just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. The “elephant shows” that come with the ride allow you to watch the elephants do tricks like paint and play soccer. Elephants don’t paint or play soccer in the wild, so you can already imagine what sort of training they had to get them to this level. By giving these people your money, you are culpable in the elephant abuse that goes on by allowing it to continue.

On the other hand, there’s the other argument that elephants are in danger of becoming extinct and would be in a much more precarious situation if it weren’t for the tourism industry. A hundred years ago, elephants were used for logging. Today, they are either used for tourism purposes or left in the wild to die of hunger.

So what are you to do?

Well, there’s a third option. In recent years, several responsible elephant camps have sprung up. The Elephant Nature Camp was founded in 1996 by a Thai animal rights activist named Lek as a sanctuary and rescue center for abused elephants. Lek’s goal is to return all the elephants to their natural environment. Set in a beautiful northern Thailand retreat, amongst mountains and a river, the Elephant Nature Camp allows you to engage with the elephants without actually riding them. You can spend a day or two or even a week volunteering with the elephants. You will get soaked while you bathe them but it will be worth the experience. Further afield, in Lampang, you can visit the Elephant Conservation Center, which is under royal patronage. It has an elephant hospital and an elephant dung paper factory. There’s also Patara Elephant Park, which is a bit more expensive but has gotten great reviews. None of these options is particularly cheap (2,500 baht or $77 US being the going rate for a day at one of these places) but you can rest easy knowing that your money is going to a good place. If you like elephants, this is totally worth the splurge.

Elephant Nature Camp: http://www.elephantnaturepark.org/

Elephant Conservation Center (Lampang): http://www.thailandelephant.org/en/

Patara Elephant Park: http://www.pataraelephantfarm.com/

A Note on Thanglish:

You’ll notice a new dialect forming the minute you land. It’s what happens when Thai and English mix to form a third language, which I like to call “Thanglish.” I should warn you that you will be speaking this dialect by the time you leave.

When To Go:

Thailand doesn’t have a winter/summer but rather a wet/dry season. It’s better to go during dry season (December to February) as temperatures in Chiang Mai will be mild, meaning it will be nice and sunny during the day and cooler at night.

How to Spend St Patrick’s Day in Ireland (when you’re broke)

Let’s face it. St. Patrick’s Day is Ireland’s gift to the world. Officially, it has something to do with Catholicism, but in reality, it’s just an excuse to consume excessive amounts of alcohol in the middle of the week. And it’s also an excuse for airlines and hotels in Ireland to charge exorbitant prices so that you may have the pleasure of consuming excessive amounts of alcohol in the middle of the week. As a broke college student, you’re probably wondering how to get around these barriers to crossing this milestone off your bucket list.

Here’s how I did it:

#1. Learn to love (or at least tolerate) RyanAir

Assuming you are already in Europe, RyanAir will probably save you a fortune in travel costs (my flight from London to Dublin cost £14 one way and £20 the other). RyanAir is based in Dublin and is probably the cheapest airline that exists so it can be partially forgiven for coming up with some weird rules. Remember, this is a bare-bones airline so that means no free snacks onboard, you’ll have to pay for a checked bag, you’re only allowed one carry-on (a purse is considered a carry-on so you can’t have a purse and a carry-on, only one), forget about anything over 15 kilo, however do not forget to print out your boarding pass (sometimes this error will cost you more than your ticket), and you really should say thank you that they don’t charge you to use the lavatories (believe me, they tried). Oh, and be prepared to walk to the plane.

If you’re not already in Europe then you should get to Europe sometime in February as this is the lowest of the low season (probably because no one wants to come to Europe in February). Tickets in March aren’t that much more expensive but if you’re flying directly to Ireland, the closer you get to the 17^th of March, the higher the prices will be. Aer Lingus usually has the cheapest trans-Atlantic fares (New York/Boston to Dublin/Shannon) but you can check Skyscanner and Cheap-O-Air to see if you can do better.

http://www.skyscanner.net/

http://www.cheapoair.com/

#2. Get to Ireland a few days before the big day

You will save a ton of money on airfare if you fly 3-4 days as opposed to 1-2 days before Paddy’s Day. This also enables you to actually see the country before it gets trashed.

Dublin’s Grafton Street – the calm before the storm

#3. If you’re really stuck, you can take the ferry

I have some friends who took the ferry over from Wales on a rail and sail combo ticket from London. Fares can be as low as £30. Believe it or not, their entire journey was actually less eventful than my 45 minute RyanAir flight.

#4. Become friends with an Irishman (or an Irishwoman)

I don’t normally advocate using people but this is actually really helpful for two reasons: 1) hostels cost double the price on March 16-17 than they do on March 14-15 or 18-19. And 2) hostels are usually booked solid weeks (sometimes months) in advance.

Having an Irish friend means that you get to squeeze about 20 people into the living room of a standard sized Dublin row house (not exaggerating, this actually happened) and save all the money you have for the Guinness and Jameson.

Irish hospitality is legendary. There will be a kettle of water perpetually boiling on the stove for the entire duration of your stay. You will be consuming a lot of tea and probably a lot of potatoes as well. And as an added bonus, you’ll get to enjoy the dry, witty, and self-deprecating Irish sense of humor. You’ll probably get “slagged” (teased) as well. Most of it will float right over your head but if you do catch it, rest assured, it’s a sign of endearment.

Note: A house, colloquially, is often called a “gaff.”

You’ll also be having a far more authentic Paddy’s Day experience. When most people think of Paddy’s Day in Ireland, they think of beer and parades. I think of the chippy down the road from my friend’s house, watching “Father Ted,” the news anchors wearing shamrocks and discussing the latest rugby match, and having to tiptoe over the pile of blankets, pillows, and sheets covering the living room floor to make sure I wasn’t accidentally stepping on someone who was sleeping. I’ve met people who flew in on March 17^th in the morning and flew out again that evening. Where’s the fun in that?

Oh, and whatever you do, don’t ever bring up the fact that England beat Ireland at Rugby on Paddy’s Day 2012. Ever. Not even as a joke. Aside from the fact that it was absolutely brutal to watch the first time around and therefore should not be re-conjured, your Irish friend will probably never speak to you again.

#5. Take advantage of free stuff to do

Dublin in particular has a lot of free things you can do from walking tours (Sandeman’s is highly recommended) to museums to local attractions…you can even learn Irish! Although this would be more suitable for the western part of the country since Dubliners don’t usually speak Irish unless they’re forced to do so in school or something. The first word I learned in Irish means “death” (it was on a pack of cigarettes). Hopefully you’ll do better than that.

While you’re in Dublin, don’t forget to stop by Jonathan Swift’s gaff. If misanthropeism were a religion, Mr. Swift would be God.

Other places you should check out: Temple Bar (obviously), Trinity College (home to the Book of Kells, beautiful campus as well), and St. Stephen’s Green (lovely park).

Temple Bar

St Stephen’s Green

And of course there’s that parade…

Sandeman’s Tours website: http://www.neweuropetours.eu/ (Tour is free, tips are optional but appreciated as tour guides rely on these)

Note: Alcohol is actually not legally allowed to be sold in stores on Paddy’s Day as it’s still supposed to be a solemn and holy day. Pubs are open though.

How to Live in London for Under £5 a Day

Yes, you read that correctly.

London is notorious for being one of the most expensive destinations in the world.

I don’t like to generalize but I find that people who hold this view are generally of a certain variety. You know the type. They generally fly into Heathrow, transfer to their 4 star hotel, spend the next day at the Tower of London (after viewing the Changing of the Guards at Buckingham Palace of course), followed by an overpriced hop-on hop-off bus ride to the London Eye, then a 3-course pre-theatre dinner at a West End restaurant catering to tourists before ending their evening attending the Lion King on the West End stage.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this itinerary…but a day like this could easily cost upwards of £300 (or almost $500). Even if they switch to a cheaper hotel, it’s still quite pricey. But more important than the inflated cost of their vacation, is the fact that, tragically, these people leave London without ever actually seeing London.

There’s a world of difference between the occasional tourist and the seasoned traveler. The occasional tourist comes to see the sights and then leaves. The seasoned traveler wants to hang out with the locals and hear their stories over a pint of ale or a cup of tea.

The British are the most hilarious group of people that could ever be stranded on an island together. You will have a rewarding trip just by sitting back and listening to people as they go about their daily lives. I don’t think I’ve ever had a single dull conversation in the almost two years that I lived in the UK.

Sunbathing on the Thames

A couple of guys dressed as the Prime Minister and the Deputy Prime Minister having tea

But alas, there’s that traveling bit. You didn’t come to London to sit in a pub all evening (or did you?)

The truth is, London is a reasonably priced city with many cheap and free things to do. You can easily experience London for under £5 a day if you know how to budget properly. I did it for over a year and never felt like I was missing out. There were days where I splurged and days when I came in under budget but for the most part, £5 per day was average.

Disclaimer: I’m not a big drinker (which is rare in London). Alcohol can set you way back in this city but there are ways to get around this as well. Keep reading.

Getting Around:

Cheap:

Public transport in London is pricey but there are ways to reduce costs.

Click here for everything you need to know about saving money on the bus and tube:

https://thrifttripping.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/mind-the-gap-everything-you-need-to-know-about-saving-money-on-londons-public-transport/

Another popular option for getting around is to rent a Barclays bicycle, locally known as a “Boris Bike” after the colorful mayor of London, Boris Johnson. Bikes can be rented by the hour, day, week, or year. The best thing about these is that you can rent them at one location and return them to another. You will need a chip and pin credit/debit card (most European, Australian, and New Zealand issued credit/debit cards are chip and pin, most US credit/debit cards are not). The cost is £2 for a 24-hour period, £10 for the week. Hourly prices are much more dynamic with the first 30 minutes being free, the next 30 minutes costing £1 and a total of 1.5 hours will cost you £4 so it’s better to purchase the day pass.

Free:

London is a lot of fun to experience on foot but you’ll be doing a lot of walking. Unless it’s freezing or pouring rain, this shouldn’t bother you at all. You’ll get lost a few times on the way to anywhere but that’s part of the adventure. London has so many neighborhoods built over many centuries that it pays for you to just wander around for a few days, admire the architecture, and figure things out for yourself. Map-averse as I am, it took me a full month to figure this city out before I was able to comfortably release my hold on the Thames as a security blanket and venture inland. (Part of this came about when I discovered that the Thames doesn’t flow in a straight line but I’ll leave that story for another blog post.) The point is…don’t do what I did – use a map!

Don’t forget to wander to places outside of the tourist center. Neighborhoods such as Belsize Park, Hampstead, Shepherd’s Bush, Hammersmith, Shoreditch, Butler’s Wharf, and Brixton are all worth spending time in.

Like every city, London has its fair share of crime. Pickpocketing is an issue so keep your wallet hidden and keep your wits about you and you’ll be fine. I used to walk through Southwark at 2 AM and I never felt unsafe (although I grew up in New York so maybe that’s why).

Activities:

If this is your first time in London or you only have a few days to spend in this great city, don’t hold back on anything you really want to do, no matter how nerdy it is or how much it will set you back budget-wise. You will regret it later.

However, be reasonable. First decide what are must-sees and what are maybe-sees.

For example, if you’re a history buff and have been dreaming about the Tower of London since you were 9, then by all means spend the £21.45 on admission (£18.15 if you’re a student with a valid ID). But try to cut costs on other activities to even it out. I personally think that the London Eye is a rip off. The only time I would actually pay to ride that ferris wheel is at 11:59 PM on December 31^st because music and fire works will erupt from it 60 seconds later (for the record: the London Eye closes at 3PM on New Years Eve so that fantasy will have to wait).

The point is, there are so many free things to do in London. There is no reason why you should be splurging every day in order to have fun.

Cheap:

1. Shakespeare’s Globe

I still can’t figure out why anyone would want to go see Mamma Mia when they can see Hamlet in the exact (ok, replica) setting that it was performed 400 years ago for only £5. Even if you’re not a Shakespeare fan, you have to do this once, just for the experience of standing room only Elizabethan theatre (you can pay a bit more and actually sit in one of the box seats up on the balcony but where’s the fun in that?)

Hamlet at Shakespeare’s Globe

Tip: You don’t need to book online (there’s a service fee of £2.50) but you should book in advance by going to the box office as soon as you know what you want to see and when you want to see it.

http://www.shakespearesglobe.com/

http://www.shakespearesglobe.com/theatre/box-office/globe-theatre-seating-plan-ticket-prices

2. Greenwich

Take a walk on the Prime Meridian…

Greenwich is a great day trip if you want to get out of the city centre for a bit. Most people take the boat down the Thames but you can do this by public transport for a fraction of the price. There’s no tube station (the closest is North Greenwich on the Jubilee Line) but you can take bus #188 from Russell Square or Waterloo Bridge. You can also take the Docklands Light Railway to spice it up a bit (it’s the same price as the tube). The entrance fee to the Royal Observatory is £7 (£5.50 with a valid student ID) but there’s plenty to do in the area for free. Walk around the grounds of the Old Royal Naval College and the National Maritime Museum (or go inside, they’re both free). The Greenwich Market is worth a visit as well. There’s also a beautiful park where you can relax if the weather is good. Whatever you decide, be sure to walk to the top of the hill for the view.

http://www.rmg.co.uk/visit/times-and-admission/

Free:

1. Walking Tours

First time in London? Need to get oriented? No problem. Sandemans has a free walking tour. I’ve never actually been on the London one but I’ve used Sandemans in several other cities and it’s been consistently informative and an excellent way to get to know the city before you go off and explore on your own. While the walking tour is free, bear in mind that the tour guides rely on tips for their salary.

http://www.neweuropetours.eu/

2. Museums

Most museums across London are free. Exhibitions are usually not. Given that Britain is blessed with more precipitation than many other countries combined, plan to spend at least one or two rainy afternoons admiring the insides of these buildings. The absolute musts are the British Museum (Bloomsbury) – the mummy room is my absolute favorite but you should probably also see the Rosetta Stone while you’re there; the V&A (Victoria and Albert Museum, South Kensington) – one of the most unique museums in the world; the Tate Modern (Southwark) – because it’s the Tate Modern; and the National Gallery (Trafalgar Square) – because it’s the National Gallery. A word of caution on the National Gallery…it can get really crowded and has an overwhelming amount of good art in very close proximity (kind of like the Louvre) so do your homework beforehand, go in with a plan of what you want to see, and get out as soon as you start to feel stressed. You can always go back the next day (it will probably be raining again).

The British Museum

Mummies!

If you have time after the V&A, the Natural History Museum (literally next door) is also worth a visit if only to see the incredible architecture. In the winter there is an ice skating rink outside which adds to the ambience.

The Museum of Natural History

The Museum of London (not far from St Paul’s Cathedral) is also worthwhile if you’re in the area. It recounts the entire history of London from prehistoric times until the present and gives you a lot of background information that is useful if you’re trying to place all the British events that your tour guide’s been throwing at you all morning into some semblance of chronological order.

I personally also love the Tate Britain (down the road from Parliament between the Lambeth and Vauxhall bridges), but if you’re short on time, I would say focus your attention elsewhere…unless it’s raining.

3. Parks 

The Royal Parks and Gardens are beautiful all year round but are especially beautiful in autumn and spring. They may be a bit dead in winter but are still worth a trip, particularly in the snow. Hyde Park even has a Winter Wonderland amusement park specifically for the season. In the summer, Londoners practically live in the parks so good luck getting one of those beach chairs.

The musts are St James’s Park (in between Buckingham Palace and Big Ben), Hyde Park/Kensington Gardens (they’re adjacent), Regents Park (there’s a zoo), Hampstead Heath (north of the city centre in a lovely neighborhood which you should also check out), and Primrose Hill (north of Regents Park).

St James’s Park after a rain shower

St James’s Park in spring

Directions in St James’s Park

4. The Changing of the Guards

Fine. I’m going to add this to the list just because it’s free. But beware of tourists.

Tip: I’ve never actually seen the Changing of the Guards so don’t kill me if I’m wrong but if you want to just see “the guards” and don’t mind missing the actual “changing” you’re best off standing on the Mall close to St James Palace as opposed to anywhere near Buckingham Palace. I got this picture purely by accident.

5. The Houses of Parliament 

You would think that this would be equally cheesy but it’s actually not. First of all, the building itself is remarkable (I have thousands of pictures and I’m not exaggerating). If you’re an architecture fan, you will probably spend hours wandering around the outside before you even go in (assuming the police don’t stop you to ask you what you’re doing). Getting in is free and relatively painless. You walk through a metal detector and they take away your mobile phone before you enter the “Strangers Gallery” (don’t worry, you get it back at the end). You can sit in on sessions/debates in both the House of Commons and the House of Lords. The House of Lords is a bit useless but it’s a lot prettier so don’t skip it. The busiest time to visit is on Wednesdays, during Prime Minister’s Questions. Tickets are reserved for UK residents who have contacted their MPs or Lords to request them. You can still queue, but chances of getting in are slim. You can watch it on the Beebs (BBC) instead. Please note that you aren’t allowed to take pictures on the inside of the building.

http://www.parliament.uk/visiting/visiting-and-tours/watch-committees-and-debates/debates/

6. Tower Bridge

There is a Tower Bridge Exhibit for £8, which I’ve never tried so I can’t comment on, but walking across the bridge itself is enough to make you want to move here. Another stunning piece of architecture that often graces postcards and has been an icon in the London skyline since 1894.

All dressed up for the Olympics

View of Tower Bridge from Butler’s Wharf

The London Bridge is one bridge over (to the west) and is rather unremarkable as anything other than an artery by which people commute between the financial centre (“the City”) and the London Bridge tube and railway station. The original London Bridge was actually quite beautiful but it fell down.

7. City Views

If you want to get a great view of London and don’t want to spend £30 on the London Eye or the Shard, you have several options. You can get great free panoramic views of London from Primrose Hill, brilliant pictures from the many bridges across the Thames (Waterloo and Westminster are my favorites, especially at sunset), or head to the Tate Modern Restaurant or the Royal Festival Hall, order an Earl Grey or English Breakfast tea and enjoy the view.

Sunset view from the Waterloo Bridge
Did I mention I’m obsessed with this building?

Waterloo Bridge facing east

4. Markets

I’m a big fan of markets and surprisingly, London markets are some of the best I’ve seen.

The three musts are: Portobello Market (Notting Hill) – go on Saturdays or Sundays (it’s dead during the week and you won’t enjoy it); Borough Market (Southwark) – go during the week as it gets crowded on weekends; and Camden Market (Camden Town). Each market is unique and you could spend hours just walking around without even buying anything.

On the same note, Southbank Centre (south bank of the Thames between the Waterloo and Westminster Bridges) usually has a lot going on. I once strolled through there on a Saturday morning and was delighted to discover that I was in the midst of a Chocolate Festival.

Other notable mentions: Brick Lane Market, Covent Garden Market, and Leadenhall Market (Bishopsgate, The City). The latter was used as “Diagon Alley” in the Harry Potter films and is best viewed during the week at lunchtime (great for people watching).

Leadenhall Market

People Watching at Leadenhall Market

Speaking of markets, at some point you’ll need to eat, right?

Food:

The UK gets a bad rep for its food but British cuisine has changed immensely in recent years, partly due to the rise of celebrity chefs such as Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver, and partly due to immigration. London’s Indian food is arguably the best in the world. In a recent survey, the #1 British dish was not fish and chips, but chicken tikka masala. You can also find a variety of other cuisines from Argentinian to Ethiopian to Vietnamese. London is more health conscious than most US cities and you’ll find that eating healthy is usually easy and can be cheap as well. British fast food chains aren’t limited to junk food but generally have sandwiches, salads, soup, and fruit juice on their menus. You will also find that London portion sizes are smaller than what you’re used to (even compared to the rest of the UK).

Cheap:

1. Supermarkets

There’s a hierarchy to the generic supermarket brands in the UK: Tesco is at the bottom, followed by Sainsbury’s, and then it’s debatable whether Waitrose or Marks & Spencer are #1. The truth is, British supermarkets can get expensive if you don’t know how to shop in one. A good rule of thumb is: never buy anything that’s full price. You can get a lot of food for under £3 if you only look for the items that are on sale and ignore everything else. Ready-made meals are a big thing in this country and you could get proper Indian food for £2.50 (or more accurately 2 for £5, buying 1 is slightly more expensive). Better yet, because so much food is pouring into the supermarkets every day and a good portion of it will expire within a week or 10 days and can’t be sold afterwards, that means that on the last day before expiration, prices are reduced by 30-90%! There is usually a special section where you can find all the reduced (“yellow sticker”) food in one place. You can even get some ready made meals for less than £1. I once bought an entire pineapple at Tesco for £0.20! Tesco may be the cheapest overall but that doesn’t mean that you should overlook M&S and Waitrose – you may actually find that sale items and reduced sections in Waitrose work out to be cheaper than Tesco’s. M&S usually reduces their baked goods an hour before closing time (they close quite early) and you can sometimes find delicious lemon muffins for a mere 10p. You’re best off shopping around first. If you stick to these guidelines, you should never be spending more than £10 on any single trip to the supermarket, and that food should last you a few days.

2. Sandwiches

Sandwiches are ubiquitous in London. You can find them in supermarkets, pharmacies, fast food chains, cafes, etc. Supermarkets and pharmacies usually have “meal deals” where you can purchase a sandwich, a snack (this could include fruits or vegetables as well as crisps – AKA potato chips – and candy bars), and a drink from a pre-selected menu for £3-4 depending on the chain. These are pretty good if you’re going to buy all three anyway but if you were just buying a sandwich (particularly a vegetarian sandwich), you’re better off just buying the sandwich as you won’t be saving much on the meal deal. Fast food chains such as Pret A Manger, Eat, and the like, are a bit more expensive but also have better sandwiches. If you want to really splurge on a good sandwich, try Paul’s bakery. At around £3-4 per sandwich, it may be more than your sandwich-budget allows for but it’s well worth it for the artisan French bread and excellent fillings. The cheapest way to eat a sandwich is to make one at home with bread and ingredients you bought on sale at Sainsbury’s the day before.

3. Street Food 

If you’re sick of supermarkets (which you will be after your tenth trip to Sainsbury’s) and sandwiches (same goes for Pret A Manger) head to one of the outdoor markets mentioned above. Markets are more expensive when it comes to buying fresh produce but you’ll also find a lot of great, cheap street food. £4 is average for a meal unless you’re really splurging. There’s a huge variety of cuisines and many of the vendors will let you sample before you buy. You can actually eat an entire meal at Borough Market just by sampling. If you go at the end of the day, you might even be able to score some price reductions.

Tip: Buying food at rail stations will save you a lot of money. You can get Cornish Pasties for £2-3 at pretty much every station in this country. Another good rail station option is Upper Crust (but now we’re back to sandwiches).

4. Student Food

Generally, if you find a university campus, there should be cheap places to eat around it, as students generally don’t have that much money. For instance, there’s a place right on the LSE campus called “Wrights Bar” where you could get coffee for £0.60 and a proper sandwiches for £1.35 (much better than what you’d be buying in the supermarket for that price). I lived on Wrights Bar sandwiches and coffee for a year and I would definitely still be eating there if I still lived in London.

Tip: Beware of the long queues at lunchtime (come before 11 or after 2 unless you want to hear about Hayek and Keynes for 45 minutes).

5. Lunch Specials

If you want to go out for some real food once in a while, and don’t mind eating early, look for lunch specials. You can get a 2-course meal for under £10 in many places and under £7 in many others. Pub lunches are good options as well. Wetherspoons is probably the cheapest in this category. They are a ubiquitous pub chain so it won’t be hard to find one. They’re a bit too commercial for my taste but this is London – everything is a franchise.

Free:

Back at the LSE campus, there’s a Hare Krishna guy with a vending cart who gives out free hot meals to students every day at lunchtime. Don’t worry, he won’t make you chant anything – there are no strings attached (I don’t even think he asks for a student ID first). Look out for him outside the Economists’ Bookshop on the corner of Clare Market and Portugal Street.

Alcohol: 

Ok, this is what’s going to push you over the edge so pay attention.

Cheap:

Learn to pre-drink 

You can easily blow £20 in a pub just on beer or have an equally entertaining evening drinking with fellow travellers back at your hostel for a fraction of that cost (and then perhaps head to the pub later for a drink or two). I spent a month living in a London hostel where we used to mix a drink called “snake bite.” I still don’t know what was in it but it cost next to nothing and got several people incredibly drunk. You learn these things quickly when you live with Aussies.

Free:

Don’t drink.

Accommodations: 

Cheap: 

Hostels not only save you money on accommodation costs but they are a guaranteed way to meet people while you travel. They generally include breakfast and have kitchen facilities where you can cook the remaining two meals (another great way to save money). London hostels are not as good as hostels in other cities, so if it’s your first time staying in a hostel, keep that in mind as you climb those triple-decker bunk beds. Most hostels offer activities such as free walking tours and pub crawls, which are really helpful when you first arrive and don’t know where to start. Hostels are usually safe but you should take precautions anyway (i.e. don’t leave your MacBook Pro lying around while you go site seeing as there’s a good chance it won’t be there when you get back). Lockers are generally available but check the hostel website or booking site to make sure. You may need to bring a padlock or buy one when you get here.

Tips: If you’re staying a while, ask about weekly rates.

Free:

1. Work in a hostel

If you’re staying for more than a couple of weeks, some hostels will allow you to work for 2 hours a day in return for free accommodation. The work is quite easy and I got by for almost 4 months doing this in Scotland and Wales. This isn’t as readily available in London as it is elsewhere in the UK and you may need to verify that you’re allowed to do this (if you’re on a Tier 4 student or Tier 5 youth mobility visa, you’re ok). It’s a great way to save money and linger in London a bit longer.

2. Couch surfing 

Couch surfing scared me at first but it’s actually a great option for people who are only in London for a short trip and want to keep costs down as well as meet the locals. Couch surfing is one of those things that either turns out really well or really not. There’s no middle ground here so be prepared. The cool thing about this is you get a local perspective on the city and you’ll probably end up in places you wouldn’t have otherwise. And the British are lovely…once you get past the language barrier. See my post on the “Special Relationship” for tips on what to do when your host starts “taking the piss out of you”: https://thrifttripping.wordpress.com/2013/11/13/in-search-of-the-special-relationship/

Tips: Make sure to Google your host’s location before you accept. London is very big and spread out. You don’t want to be spending half your trip just getting to the city centre and back. While most places will have public transport links, you’ll probably want to be near a tube station, especially if you’re in zones 3-6.

https://www.couchsurfing.org/

Other tips:

1. Free wifi

Free wifi is more widespread than you may initially think. First of all, Starbucks and McDonald’s are ubiquitous and offer free wifi, which you can probably log on to without even buying anything. You’ll have to purchase something at Costa to get the wifi password but it’s usually the branch’s phone number (shhh, don’t tell anyone I told you that). The same could be said of various other franchises. It took me a while to figure out that “The Cloud” was actually a network I didn’t need to pay for. This is one of the more widespread wifi networks in London – you can walk down the entire Fleet Street and stay connected the entire time. You will need to first stop by a Pizza Express restaurant (or any other franchise that uses The Cloud – just keep searching your wifi networks until you see it), create a username and password and poof! You’re wired.

2. Cheap Books

This is going to sound so dodgy but there’s a really great place under the Waterloo Bridge where you could find second hand books for £1-2. If you stroll along the south side of the Thames, you’ll find it under the bridge in between the National Theatre and the Royal Festival Hall. They also have out of print books and Victorian era maps that will make you laugh at how much the world changed since then. Another great option is Charing Cross Road. This street on the edge of Soho is practically dedicated to bookshops and you’ll find quite a few bargains if you shop around a bit.

Bargain hunting under the Waterloo Bridge

Resources:

For up to date information on cheap/free local events, grab a copy of Time Out London, or go to their website: http://www.timeout.com/london

My Big Fat Greek Vacation

This is the story of a neurotic New Yorker who decides to spontaneously visit the Greek island of Naxos on her way from Athens to Santorini. Learning from her previous mistakes of booking in advance when the deities that rule Greece clearly have other ideas in mind, she decides to wing it and do what the Greeks do – leave everything up to Apollo and his friends. She disembarks the ferry with everyone else, walks into the nearest hostel, and asks to check in. The hostel owner, a middle-aged woman who seems nice enough and offers the New Yorker fresh squeezed orange juice, tells the New Yorker that the hostel is full but suggests that the New Yorker go to her brother’s hostel down the road. The hostel owner’s seventy-year-old father is supposed to give the New Yorker a lift. The New Yorker does not realize that this involves seventy-year-old father’s motor scooter. After being whisked across the island on the back of a seventy-year-old’s motor scooter, the New Yorker still has no idea where she is. However, she does know that a seventy-year-old is holding her passport hostage and is now yelling at an upstairs neighbor in Greek. “Check-in” eventually occurs but it’s unlike any check-in the New Yorker has ever experienced before. No cash exchanges hands, no credit cards are accepted, no one speaks – because no one speaks English (and, naturally, the only Greek word the New Yorker knows is “opa,” which doesn’t get one very far). After everything is smoothed out (still no payment yet), New Yorker goes off to have a sunset dinner overlooking the Aegean Sea and eventually heads to bed. The next morning, the New Yorker is awakened by the sound of a rooster. I repeat: A rooster! At the end of this trip, the New Yorker realizes that this island is the Greekest place on earth and that everyone should visit it once in their lives. And the New Yorker is now writing a blog post to tell you why…

Getting There, Getting Oriented, Getting Around

Naxos is the largest island in the Cyclades, a group of Greek islands in the Aegean Sea. It is the most self-sufficient island in the Cyclades. The only way of getting here is by boat. In other words, it’s just a little isolated. Actually, that’s not entirely true – there are regular flights. But seriously, don’t be a snob (you’re thrift tripping!) and don’t think that foreigners don’t come here – it is actually a major tourist draw in the summer months. I was there in May so I was actually one of the few people on the island that didn’t grow up there. I highly recommend not going when everyone else is there. You will enjoy the experience so much more.

There’s a ferry that arrives and departs once a day and sometimes not at all. The ferries are perfectly adequate on the select days that the Greeks aren’t on strike and neither is Poseidon.

In all seriousness, the ferries are actually quite comfortable, with airplane like seats on several floors and a couple of restaurants on board so don’t hesitate to take one. I recommend Blue Star Ferries although I haven’t tried the other companies. The journey should take about 5.5 hours and cost 32 euros. There’s also a high-speed ferry that does the trip in half the time and double the price.

Boarding the ferry (it’s not actually this posh)

Your ferry will let you off at the most populous part of the island known as “Naxos Town.” The rest of the island is scarcely populated aside from the odd cow, rooster, or Greek temple. Public transportation is available but don’t depend on it. The best way to see the beautiful green hills and valleys farther inland is by motorbike or scooter, which you can rent for about 25 euros a day. I did this in Santorini and it was one of the best experiences of my life.

View of Naxos from the Temple of Apollo

A word of caution: Google maps and Greek islands don’t mesh well together so lose the technology dependency early and you will go far.

History and Politics

Naxos dominated the commerce scene in the Cyclades during the 8^th and 7^th centuries BC becoming one of the most prosperous Greek city-states. It was the first city-state to revolt against the Persians in 502 BC, which eventually lead to the Ionian Revolt and a wider Greco-Persian war resulting in the rise of Ancient Greece to world domination.

Naxos was later ruled by the Venetians (it became known as the Duchy of Naxos) and the Ottoman Turks before the Greek islands revolted in 1821 and became part of a unified and independent Greece in 1832.

In short, Naxos may be small and insignificant but it sure knows how to raise hell.

Things to Do

1. Relax, slow down, you’re not in New York any more…

Granted, I did this trip from London via Athens but still…same mental mindset. This isn’t one of those places where you go to “do stuff,” it’s not even one of those places you go to “feel stuff.” 90% of this trip will be about the atmosphere. It’s very “Greek” and the less planning you do beforehand, the better. Just go with the flow.

In Ancient Greek mythology, Dionysus was the protector of Naxos. Dionysus was the god of wine, festivities, and the primal energy of life. Need I say more?

2. See the Portara (Temple of Apollo) at Sunset

This is actually one of my favorite Greek temples and it isn’t even all that remarkable (if you’ve seen the Temple of Poseidon in Sounion, you’ll understand why every other Greek temple pales in comparison). This is actually the first thing you see when your ferry enters the port of Naxos and the last thing you see when your ferry heads out to sea again. It is the most iconic landmark in Naxos and deservedly so. The cool thing about the Temple of Apollo is that you can watch the sun set through the arches of its doorway as you walk amongst the ruins. The city is on one side, the sea is on the other, and all that separates the two is this arch.

3. Explore the Old Town

The Old Town is a labyrinth of narrow winding cobblestone streets, boutique shops, restaurants, cafés, tavernas, lots of stairs, beautiful views…oh yeah, and a castle. The gleaming white architecture is characteristic of the Cyclades. Getting lost here is a lot of fun and it’s fairly easy to find your way back since it’s so small.

4. Hit the Beach

Naxos has some of the best beaches in Greece. The water is a clear green-blue, and you’ll be surrounded by the beautiful mountains of nearby islands. If you go in May, the weather is ideal and you can probably have a whole beach to yourself.

The beaches aren’t actually this rocky but the water is this clear

5. Eat, Drink, and Be Merry…

Greek food is amazing. And it’s also quite healthy (in moderation of course). Naxos has a row of restaurants on the quay all facing the Aegean Sea where the ferries come in. You can spend hours enjoying a meal here and watching the boats go by. There are also a variety of restaurants in the Old Town. Most are reasonably priced.

Whatever you do, make sure to order a “fredo” (iced cappuccino) at least once when you’re in Greece. I spent months having serious withdrawal, it was that good.

You must try ouzo at least once. This is not optional.

When To Go 

Shoulder season (September-October and April-May) is your friend. The weather may be slightly better in the summer but your experience will be that much more commercial. Try to avoid tourists entirely. As a rule, the Greeker the better.

Tips:

• Mediterranean sunburns hurt like hell. I don’t recommend them. Use sunscreen generously.
• On second thought, having ouzo with lunch is probably not the best idea I ever had.
• You will probably get to enjoy an Aegean sunset on the ferry ride back so bring a camera (if that wasn’t already blatantly obvious).

TOP 10 Songs for a Thrift Tripper’s iPhone

“The Beatles Story” in Liverpool (gift shop)

The Beatles’ Day Tripper and Peter, Paul, and Mary’s Leaving on a Jet Plane are obvious choices for your iTunes playlist, but here are a few more to consider:

1. Born to be Wild (Steppenwolf) – The best road trip song ever!
2. Roam (B-52s) and Free Bird (Lynyrd Skynyrd) – Chicken soup for the nomadic soul.
3. Life on Mars? (David Bowie) – When you get to a new country, don’t speak the language, and feel like you’re on another planet.
4. Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne) – No explanation needed. You’ll know it when you see it. And believe me, you will have this experience at least once.
5. Gimme Shelter (the Rolling Stones) – For the night you spend freezing in Manchester’s Piccadilly Station after you miss your 1 AM connecting train from Glasgow to London and the next one doesn’t leave until 5 in the morning.
6. Anything by Mozart – This is probably the only thing that will keep you sane and get you through the crowds at the Forbidden City on China’s National Day.
7. The Imperial March from Star Wars – I’ll admit, I’m not cool enough to be a Star Wars geek (really, that’s how uncool I am) but this score is incredibly versatile and useful in a variety of different situations.
8. I’ve Been Everywhere (Johnny Cash) – People will think you’re full of yourself if you sing this out loud but it’s always fun to listen to Johnny checking off his list and compare your own.
9. We are the Champions (Queen) – When you’ve checked off everything on your bucket list. Another song you probably don’t want to sing out loud…
10. Homeward Bound (Simon & Garfunkel) – When you’re sick of traveling, miss your family and friends, and are ready to head back to your old life of hot showers and comfortable beds. And die of boredom…

The crowds at the Forbidden City, Beijing
October 1, 2013

In Search of the Special Relationship

Once upon a time, when I was growing up, my teachers used to tell me that Britain is America’s best friend in the world. I always thought that the feeling was mutual. Until I moved to Britain…

There’s a term that gets tossed around the media called the “Special Relationship,” but I can tell you from experience, the only time I’ve ever felt “special” in the UK was on those frequent occasions when the British would speak to me as if I were mentally retarded. They would slow down their speech, ask me if I needed sentences repeated, tell me to look up words in the dictionary…it was more like bullying really.

I once had an English guy spend 45 minutes trying to convince me that he was 37^th in line to the throne. True story. He would have continued for another 45 minutes if I hadn’t held up my iPhone with the Wikipedia entry (for the actual 37^th in line to the throne) and asked, “Have you had some work done?”

To be fair, my Norwegian friend was completely egging him on by convincing me that in Norway it wasn’t unusual to go to a bar and meet a member of the royal family.

My response: “This isn’t Norway…this is Brixton.”

I remember relating these tales to friends back in New York and one of them exclaimed, “Wow! England sounds like a hostile place for foreigners.” To which I responded, “Not foreigners, just Americans.”

The truth is, in Britain, it’s a national pastime to “take the piss” out of all other countries.

You see, the British are, in actuality, a very bored species.

Their weather may be terrible but it is also predictable. They never have earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, or tsunamis to keep them busy.

They don’t have crazy politicians like Michele Bachmann or Herman Cain purely for entertainment purposes. Granted, the House of Commons is a zoo, but at least British politicians don’t resort to using the Bible as their only source of reason in passing laws. “God told me to” doesn’t fly in this country.

Just a few decades ago, they were ruling half the world. Now, imagine a world where the US has absolutely no influence any more, and is instead being told what to do by an independent Puerto Rico, and you’ll understand exactly where all this frustration is coming from.

I once heard an Englishman equate the rise of US hegemony to “being beaten at chess by a special needs child.”

Humor is the British way of dealing with their boredom. You can get offended if you want to, but where’s the fun in that?

You really just need to learn how to put the British in their place.

For example, I like to use a mock advertising catchphrase that goes something like this: “The United Kingdom: Embracing Mediocrity Since 1945.”

Don’t worry about being offensive. One thing I learned by living in the UK is that you can say whatever you want about the British and they won’t get offended…because they think they’re superior.

So, for example, a plausible response to “Britain never loses any wars” is “I seem to recall a round of ass-whipping at Yorktown.”

Now, here’s where you have to be careful. There are guidelines on how to properly take the piss out of the British. Rule #1 is you must have an intelligent comeback (although the country has its fair share of morons, stupidity is generally frowned upon in Britain, particularly in the humor department). Rule #2 is you have to be original. No one wants to hear another Australian convict joke in Australia, and no one wants to hear another joke about bad teeth in Britain. And this goes for both sides. If the British have to resort to fat jokes to take the piss out of America, I am genuinely unimpressed. I mean, there’s so much material there… And besides, the British hold the obesity world cup for Europe so it’s not like we’re all that unusual in that respect.

Rule #2 is especially important if you’re going to bring up the American Revolution. Americans seem to think that the British care about the American Revolution as much as we do. I hate to break it to you, but they really don’t spend that much time thinking about it. And it’s not just because they…um…lost. You see, to us it’s our entire identity, taking up a full third of our history curriculum. The declaration of independence is on our freakin passports. I mean we defeated the bloody British Empire! No one ever defeats the British Empire! And even if they do, there’s always a rematch. Of course we’re going to have fireworks…

But to the British, it’s just one of a series of wars they happen to have been involved with in the 1700s, in between fighting the French (like three times), colonizing India, circumnavigating the Pacific Islands, and shipping the convicts off to Australia…

For a complete history of British battles in the 1700s click here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/timeline/empireseapower_timeline_noflash.shtml

Fun fact: Australia was only populated after the British realized that they couldn’t keep sending their convicts to an independent United States. As it turns out, between 1718 and 1776, over 50,000 convicts were transported to Virginia and Maryland. And the state of Georgia was specifically set up as a penal colony. (The obvious question here is…why not Canada?) Anyhoo…

The American Revolution takes up about a paragraph in British history books (and this is a best-case-scenario, some will just skip it altogether). Most people are barely even aware that the US was ever even part of the British Empire to begin with.

As a matter of fact, the #1 grievance I’ve consistently heard from the British regarding the American Revolution was not Bunker Hill or Yorktown – those were fair game…but the fact that we wasted all of that precious tea! What did the tea ever do to us?

There is actually no limit to how much you can underestimate the British obsession with tea. I once casually brought up the debts that the British owed us from various enterprises (such as Blenheim Palace and World War I) and was promptly met with, “We want the f**king money from the f**king tea you threw in the f**king harbour!” Irony of ironies…the guy who said this now works for Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs, a successor to the same British tax collecting ministry that was responsible for levying the taxes on the tea in the first place. True story.

I once made the mistake of inviting my British friends to Thanksgiving. It was kind of like the original Thanksgiving where the British came and wreaked havoc on the Americans.

One of them had the audacity to bring up the injustices that were done to the Native Americans. The rest of the conversation went like this:

“That wasn’t us! That was you guys! That was the British!”

“Wait a minute…at what point do the British stop being the British and start being the Americans?”

“My guess is sometime around July 4, 1776.”

Well…at least they were helpful enough to carve the turkey.

If the British “accidentally” refer to America as “the colonies,” don’t lose it just yet. What you can do instead is “accidentally” remind them that were colonized by Denmark. At least our former colonial masters take themselves seriously. That usually shuts them up for a few minutes…but only for a few minutes.

Then they’ll make an inflammatory comment about America’s nasty habit of invading helpless countries, which is fair game – we do have a nasty habit of invading helpless countries. However, we learned this from our ancestors, who generally join in these invasions…willingly. The usual response is: “At least we’re good at it.” To which you will respond: “You’ve just had more experience.”

Occasionally, we’re interrupted by a Canadian or an Australian and one of us will say, “Let the adults talk.”

This can go on for hours with neither side willing to concede defeat. Until someone finally decides to end this useless debate and brings up the French…

And then we all go and have a beer. The British will mercilessly hurl insults at American beer, but that’s also fair game. Americans often agree with them.

I imagine that this is also how White House-Downing Street relations play out, albeit on a grander scale.

But this brings me to the larger problem. And that is our love-hate-triangle with Britain and France. You see, the French bankrolled our war of independence and gave us a third of our landmass. The British, on the other hand, shat on us for 200 years and then burned down the White House. If you had a choice of who to pick as your “best friend,” which one would you choose?

I guess linguistically we have more in common with the British (although that’s debatable) but that can’t be all there is to it.

I’m not defending the French. I’m just sort of wondering at what point the alliance shifted so drastically. I mean, when did this so called “special relationship” start?

It’s a valid point, no?

Don’t answer that.

So naturally, I went investigating.

The first thing I did was narrow down the scope. It couldn’t have happened before the British burned down the White House because that’s just unforgivable. You don’t just burn down a country’s White House. It’s just not done. And it couldn’t have happened after World War I because we were shipping war supplies to the Brits until we officially joined the war. So that leaves us with a time frame of 1814-1914.

After scrolling through Wikipedia, it finally hit me. It was the Pig War of 1859!

Wait…what? (sorry, PARDON)

The Pig War (also known as the Pig and Potato War) began on June 15, 1859 after an American farmer living on an island found a pig eating his potatoes and accused it of being a British pig. So he did what all patriotic Americans do…he shot it. It was actually an Irish pig but that didn’t stop this incident from escalating into an all-out war. No, I’m not making this up.

You see, in 1846, the United States and the British Empire signed “The Oregon Treaty” dividing the Oregon territory and British Columbia amongst themselves, and establishing the American-Canadian border at the 49^th parallel (latitude), likely without even consulting Canada. However, the treaty was more vague in reference to the islands off the coast of Vancouver, one of which is the island in question.

After the pig was shot, the American offered to pay the Irishman a sum of $10 but the Irishman demanded $100. While they were arguing, the British sent three warships to the island. Three warships…for an Irish pig! And the Irish think the British didn’t care about them…The Americans reciprocated by sending their own army. Both sides were under orders not to fire a single shot. According to Wikipedia: “For several days, the British and U.S. soldiers exchanged insults, each side attempting to goad the other into firing the first shot, but discipline held on both sides and thus no shots were fired.”

Eventually, negotiations began and both sides agreed to joint military occupation of the island with a “British camp” being set up on one end and an “American camp” on the other.

During the years of joint military occupation, the bored British and American soldiers “had a very amicable mutual social life, visiting one another’s camps to celebrate their respective national holidays and holding various athletic competitions. Park rangers tell visitors the biggest threat to peace on the island during those years was ‘the vast amounts of alcohol available.’”

Finally, the Germans got involved. Yes, the Germans! A commission was set up in Geneva (Geneva!), and in 1872, after a year of arbitration, the commission voted in favor of the United States.

“On November 25, 1872, the British withdrew their Royal Marines from the British Camp. The Americans followed by July 1874.”

There’s just one minor detail that we’ve missed out here and that is the Canadians. The Canadians, who were furious with the Oregon Treaty, “were once again upset that Britain had not looked after their interests, and Canada sought greater autonomy in international affairs.”

And they’re still seeking…

Today, the Union flag is still hoisted daily over the British camp by American park rangers.

For more on the Pig War of 1859, click here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pig_War

What the Special Relationship is really about is a pitiful attempt at one-upmanship. We are two pathetic countries that somehow managed to wield influence on the world stage and are now competing to decide which one of us is more pathetic than the other. It’s a fierce competition. And very entertaining.

Acknowledgements: I just wanted to thank all the people anonymously mentioned in this post for all the laughs. And to thank my favorite Luxembourger for bringing the Pig War to my attention. Excellent find.

72 Hours in Purgatory (AKA Bruges)

“After I killed him, I dropped the gun in the Thames, washed the residue off me hands in the bathroom of a Burger King, and walked home to await instructions. Shortly thereafter the instructions came through – ‘Get the fuck out of London, you dumb fucks. Get to Bruges.’ I didn’t even know where Bruges fucking was…It’s in Belgium…Maybe that’s what hell is, the entire rest of eternity spent in fucking Bruges.” ~ Ray (Colin Farrell) in In Bruges

Bruges is one of the most boring places you could ever hope to spend 72 hours in.

Just to give you an idea of how boring Bruges is…if you google “things to do in bruges,” the first result you’ll get is Trip Advisor’s list of a staggering 47 activities, most of which are architectural buildings that you will be admiring from the outside. Activity #1 is to walk around the historic centre of Bruge (pictured above in all its entirety). Activity #2 is to watch a harpist perform for 35-40 minutes…for free. Yeah… There’s a day trip from Brussels to Bruges that includes half a day spent in nearby Ghent…and no one’s complaining that it’s too rushed. There’s also a day trip from Amsterdam (Amsterdam is 2.5 hours away – in another country). I think you get the point…

Granted, you will spend the first 24 hours getting lost amongst Bruges’s maze-like medieval streets and picturesque canals, but rest assured, it’s all downhill from there.

So why on earth am I writing a blog post about this place?

Because Bruges is also one of those cities that you just can’t help falling in love with. A UNESCO World Heritage Site, it is arguably one of the most beautiful cities in Europe and should be on every traveler’s list of places to see. Like many other cities with canals (ahem, Amsterdam), it is often referred to as “Venice of the North.” (Why can’t people at least try to be original?) The main difference between Amsterdam and Bruges is that there are things to do in Amsterdam. And even if there was nothing to do in Amsterdam, at least they had the decency to legalize drugs so the tourists wouldn’t die of boredom. Spending a day here is ok, spending two days here can be torture, but after spending a week here, you begin to gain an appreciation for the place. Although I don’t recommend spending a week here as the risk of you killing yourself increases after 3 days, so we’ll just stick to 3 days.

Getting Oriented:

You won’t. Just embrace it.

History and Politics:

Bruges is the capital and largest city in West Flanders, a province in the Flemish region of Belgium. Located in the northern part of the country, it is best known for giving the world more battlefields than any other region combined.

Due to its location on the North Sea, in close proximity to Britain and Scandinavia, Bruges soon gained importance as a medieval trading port, attracting foreign merchants, and establishing what may have been the first stock exchange in 1309. By 1500 Bruges began a steady economic decline, mostly due to the wider political instability in the region.

Flanders spent the first several centuries of its documented existence being conquered and pillaged by the Romans, the Franks, the Vikings, and whoever else was conquering and pillaging at that time. In 1119, Baldwin VII of the House of Flanders died heirless and the county was first inherited by the House of Denmark, then by some guy from Normandy (France), then by the House of Alsace (France), then by some other French counts, until finally the French decided that they were going to make it official and conquer Flanders properly with an actual war. They lost. But then they won the second time. However, French rule didn’t last very long because soon after, the Spanish Habsburgs took over although they were later replaced by the Austrian Habsburgs who controlled part of the Netherlands. In 1790, Flanders declared its independence from the Austrian Netherlands, but in 1795 the county of Flanders “officially ceased to exist” after it was annexed, yet again, by the French. The French then divided Flanders into east and west. But then the French had a little revolution, which complicated things. Eventually the British defeated Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo (which, surprise surprise, also took place in Belgium). So the French were defeated but the Congress of Vienna created the United Kingdom of the Netherlands, which swiftly took control of both east and west Flanders. Finally, in 1830, the Belgians boldly declared their independence and have only been invaded twice since then (both times by the Germans who were invading everyone so at least it wasn’t personal).

Needless to say, the Flemish and the French don’t exactly get along. However, this was actually exacerbated after Belgium became independent when the French speaking elite in Brussels started phasing out the Dutch speaking population. French became the official language of Belgium and all education had to be conducted in French. Flemish people who were suspected of being loyal to the Dutch were persecuted; their houses were looted and burned. This eventually gave rise to a Flemish-Walloon conflict that still divides the country along ethno-linguistic lines, with the French speaking Walloon on one side and the Flemish speakers on the other (the northern half being Flemish and the southern half being Walloon). Given that Belgium is 60% Flemish and 40% Walloon, and that Wallonia encompasses 55% of Belgium with only a third of the population, this mutual distrust is a constant source of tension in domestic politics with the Belgian Parliament generally divided along ethno-linguistic lines. This political fragmentation was on full display in June of 2010, when the Belgian general (national) election resulted in none of the 11 political parties being able to garner more than 20% of the seats in Parliament and the country was left without a government for a record 589 days.

Part of this has to do with the economic inequalities that historically existed between the two groups. Between 1830 and 1918, a full 80% of Belgium’s GNP was invested in Wallonia. Consequently Wallonia acquired most of the wealth from the Industrial Revolution (second only to Britain) and maintained the prosperity from their coal and iron industries well into the 20^th century. During this time, the Flemish region, which historically had been prosperous, faced economic declined and widespread poverty, with many Flemish people migrating to the Walloon areas to find jobs in heavy industry. After World War II the importance of heavy industry declined, bringing high unemployment to the Walloon region while at the same time, the Flemish region has been making a comeback and is now feeling as if it’s basically funding Wallonia.

Eventually, state reforms were undertaken which transformed Belgium into a federal state. The Flemish now have their own Parliament, and there is a debate over whether they should secede from the rest of Belgium.

Things to do:

#1. Watch In Bruges in Bruges

Watching Ralph Fiennes play a sadistic psychopath never gets old. I remember when this movie first came out (in 2008) – I never in a million years thought I’d be seeing Ralph Fiennes and Colin Farrell in the same film, but they play brilliantly off of each other and watching In Bruges in Bruges just makes it even more trippy.

#2. Eat Belgian waffles

The food is amazing here so you may as well make that the focal point of your trip (considering the lack of alternative focal points). You really don’t have to try very hard to find a place that sells good waffles. Just take it easy with the toppings. Remember, the more toppings you add on, the easier you make it for the Belgians to figure out that you’re a tourist.

#3. Learn Flemish

The first time you encounter Flemish, you won’t know what hit you. It’s a weird offshoot of Dutch but at least Dutch has the courtesy to sound like an actual language. The city itself has 20,000 residents, so if you spend some time in the main square, particularly on a market day, you can probably persuade someone to teach you a few words (they really have nothing better to do). Although don’t expect it to be a useful skill to have once you leave Bruges.

#4. Eat chocolate

Like waffles, chocolate is Belgium’s gift to the world. You will find entire avenues in Bruges filled with chocolate shops. You can even get real hot chocolate.

And if that’s not enough to tempt you, there’s this…

#5. Visit the College of Europe

The Economist describes the College of Europe as “an elite finishing school for aspiring Eurocrats.” It is best known as the prestigious EU feeder-institution that educated Nick Clegg (insert punchline here). It has one of the most competitive admission processes in the world – you need to be fluent in both English and French to get in, and students are usually pre-selected by their country’s ministry of foreign affairs. How do you spell Illuminati? Oh yeah, and one of its founders was a guy named Winston Churchill. Maybe you heard of him.

#6. Jump into a Canal

There are plenty to choose from and they’re all equally scenic.

I recommend this one but I have no idea where it is on the map.

#7. Eat Belgian fries

Did you know that French fries are actually Belgian?

There’s actually a bit of a contentious debate over whether fries originated in France, Belgium, or even Spain.

There’s also an urban legend floating around the UK that during World War I, American soldiers arrived in Belgium, tasted the deep fried potatoes, and thinking that they were in France, mistakenly called them French fries. Before we go any further, I looked up the source of this story, and it turns out that it wasn’t just the American soldiers who made this error, but the idiocy was equally shared by both the American and British armies.

However, this story is probably not true for two reasons: 1) Thomas Jefferson, America’s Francophile third president had “potatoes served in the French manner” at a White House dinner in 1802 (after the French bankrolled the American Revolution against the British and just before Napoleon gave the U.S. a third of its landmass), and 2) An 1856 English cookbook mentions the words “French fried potatoes” and explains how to make them shortly before the first “chips” were introduced in England in 1860.

Regardless, in Belgium, you do not order ketchup with your fries. It’s just not done. Mayo is king.

And yes, I just spent 200 words discussing the controversial origins of fried potatoes – that’s how boring Bruges is.

#8. Go to Ghent

Ghent is like Bruges…only with people.

It’s only about 30 minutes away by train, and while it’s quite boring, it beats Bruges in the amount of activities it has to offer. Plus it has a castle.

#9. Watch Google freak out and go Flemish on you

You can do this with any device that has wifi on it. The first time it’s terrifying and every time thereafter, it becomes more and more entertaining. Kind of like sex.

#10. Drink away your boredom with Belgian beer

Aside from waffles, fries, and chocolate, Belgium is also known for its beer. You can order a few flavors and experiment.

Well, there you have it. Bruges is incredibly boring but an absolute must on any Eurotripping itinerary.

Related articles

• In Bruges.. (maggaliciousineurope.wordpress.com)
• Christmas in Bruges: so quaint you want to die (igoonlinesometimes.wordpress.com)
• Bruges, Belgium (mitchellmelaniem.wordpress.com)
• Bruges – Living the fairy tale (baandmatownsend.wordpress.com)

TOP 10 Reasons Why Traveling is Cheaper Than Not Traveling

If I had a penny for every time I heard someone say, “traveling is so expensive, how do you do it?” I’d probably be able to go around the world 3 times by now. The truth is, traveling is not as expensive as you think it is. People tend to mistaken traveling with going on vacation. Traveling is not the same as going on vacation. Here’s why:

#1. A week’s vacation can cost upward of $1,500 after you factor in airfare, accommodation, food, activities, etc. whereas traveling can cost that much for an entire month.

#2. When you go on vacation, your bills don’t. You’re still paying your rent, electricity, water, heating, car lease, car insurance, phone bill, internet, cable subscription, and the list goes on and on. In total, your monthly bills at home are probably at least $2,500. Whereas when you’re traveling, you only have to worry about accommodations (which should cost at most $25 per night in an all inclusive hostel – in some places it’s as low as $4 per night), food (which you’d be paying for anyway, and transportation (which, in many cases, is quite cheap compared to where you’re coming from). You can get away with spending $900 per month in Southeast Asia. Even in the US, Western Europe, Australia, or New Zealand, $2,500 would be the most you would spend on a month of traveling so you may be breaking even but living in a different country for a few months and probably doing some expensive activities en route.

#3. Whether you go away for a week, a month, or a year, the cost of airfare remains the same (give or take $100 or so) so the longer you travel, the more you’re getting your money’s worth on the airline ticket.

#4. When you’re on vacation, you generally only have about a week to spend in that one place so you try to make the most of every second, often spending more money than you would have if you had more time. For example, using taxis to get places faster, taking high-speed trains instead of the cheaper and slower ones, etc. When you’re traveling, you can use local buses, which are much cheaper than trains or taxis, since you’re not in a rush.

#5. If you plan on traveling for more than a month, you can sublet your flat/apartment, thereby saving at least $1,000 on rent and household expenses. When you go on vacation, these expenses are still there and subletting for a week isn’t a realistic option.

#6. While you’re traveling, you save money on your daily commute. If this involves a car, you save money on gas and other maintenance expenses. Ideally, you can get rid of your car while you’re away, either by selling it, swapping your lease, or having someone you know borrow and take responsibility for it while you’re gone.

#7. In terms of accommodation, you look for vastly different types of accommodations when you’re traveling long-term than when you’re just going on vacation for a week. If you know you’ll only be gone for a week and you’ll be getting a steady paycheck when you return, you won’t mind splurging on a hotel for that week; whereas, when you’re away for upwards of a month, that ceases to be an option. As noted above, hostel accommodations shouldn’t cost you more than $25 per night ($750 per month) and that’s generally in Western Europe/Australia/New Zealand in high season (in other words, this is the highest it can possibly get). In Eastern Europe and Asia, you can easily find accommodations for under $10 per night ($300 per month) – a lot less than what you’re paying in rent at the moment. And that includes electricity, water, heating, usually internet access, and often breakfast as well.

#8. Food is often cheaper in the countries you’re traveling to. Much of the world is populated by people who can only dream of a $7-an-hour minimum wage (or any minimum wage for that matter). The low wages in these countries are also reflected in the price of food, transportation, and the general low cost of living. For this reason, spending a month in a developing country will end up costing you a lot less than spending a month in a developed country, even your own.

#9. Similarly, public transportation in many countries is cheaper than what you’re used to. Obviously this is true of Asia where subway rides in China can be as low as 30¢ and local train rides spanning several hours can cost under $2 (Bangkok to the Cambodian border for example), but even places like Moscow and the French Riviera have cheap public transport options. I was amazed that a trip on the famous Moscow Metro cost less than $1 (30 rubles to be exact) no matter how far you were going, and a bus ride from Cannes to Monaco cost €1 (about $1.30).

#10. You can make money while you travel. Whether that means bar work in Amsterdam, teaching English in Vietnam, or picking fruit in Tasmania, opportunities will present themselves and you can easily find ways to fund your travels while you’re on the road.

So there you have it. Traveling is not as expensive as you think it is.

Now what are you waiting for? Retirement?

Related articles

• Train Travel in the Age of Budget Airlines (thrifttripping.wordpress.com)
• 10 Ways to Raise Money for Your Dream Trip (thrifttripping.wordpress.com)

Deep Fried Mars Bars and the Stone of Destiny: A Beginner’s Guide to Scotland (Volume I)

“Some people hate the English, but I don’t. They’re just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonised by wankers.” ~ Renton (Ewan McGregor) in Trainspotting

There’s a lot more to Scotland than kilts and bagpipes.

The first thing you need to know before you set foot in Scotland is that “England” “Britain” and “the UK” are not (I repeat NOT) interchangeable. People tend to miss the political undertones on their first visit. If you make this innocent mistake in Edinburgh, you may get off with a warning, but in Glasgow you’d be dead in five minutes. So pay attention – your life depends on this.

Most people are confused by the structure of the UK but it’s actually quite simple: England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland are 4 separate countries with 4 separate identities. “Britain” (or “Great” Britain as they pretentiously prefer to be called) includes the countries on the island of Great Britain (England, Scotland, and Wales but not Northern Ireland), and the “United Kingdom” includes all 4 (yes, that’s 4 countries in 1 country – don’t ask again). Northern Ireland is part of the UK (well, for now) but regular Ireland is not. And in this neighborhood, calling someone English who isn’t English is deadly. On the other hand, calling someone who is English anything else is also quite bad although it most likely won’t result in the death penalty. There’s a sizable population in Scotland that won’t mind being referred to as “British” but there’s an equally sizeable population that will. If you’re in Scotland, just stick to using “Scottish” for everything.

Are you with me so far?

Good.

To an outsider, this may just seem like sibling rivalry but I highly recommend that you refrain from making light of the situation or quipping about it. No matter how old you are, you’re too young to die.

EDINBURGH:

Edinburgh (pronounced “Ed’nbraah”) is the charming and highly photogenic capital of Scotland and one of the most magical cities on earth. When you exit Waverley Station for the first time, you will feel as if you’ve wandered into a fairytale as you navigate cobblestone streets, narrow alleys and closes connected by long flights of stairs (by the way, you’ll be doing a lot of climbing on this trip).

Hopefully you’ll be arriving by train from the north because that means you get to cross the bridge over the Firth of Forth (say that five times fast), but you’re most likely either taking a flight or coming from England, so I’ll just get to the point.

Getting Oriented:

Edinburgh is divided into two main areas, the Old Town and the New Town. Both are UNESCO world heritage sights.

The Old Town dates back to the medieval era, and is a stratified medley of stone structures. The city was literally carved around the remains of an extinct volcano with Edinburgh Castle being the centrepiece. You will find early on that consulting a map is not as helpful here as it is in other places since maps don’t tell you if your destination is on the upper layer or lower layer of the Old Town. The main thoroughfare is the Royal Mile, which connects Edinburgh Castle on one end to Holyrood Palace on the other. Holyrood is the official royal residence in the city (open for tours when the Queen isn’t in town).

The Old and New towns are separated by a gorge where you’ll find a beautiful park right in the middle of the city. The Princes Street Gardens are the place to go if you want to take a break and just watch the city go by. The park is filled with flowers, sculptures, and fountains, but the best part is that you can look up and see Edinburgh Castle perched atop what remains of an extinct volcano. On a foggy day, it looks like the castle is floating in thin air. You only need to see this once to understand where the inspiration for J. K. Rowling’s Hogwarts came from.

The New Town was built in the Georgian era so it’s only about 250 years old (trust me, this is new by UK standards) and is considered to be a masterpiece of city planning. It’s mostly residential but you’ll find many museums and upscale shops here (particularly on George Street) as well as stylish bars and the famous Balmoral Hotel.

History and Politics:

The Scottish and the English spent much of the 13^th and 14^th centuries fighting bitter wars over control of the castle, with the English eventually gaining control. But the Scottish got the last laugh when Queen Elizabeth I died childless and the Scottish king James VI became James I, King of England. However, the English gained another victory in 1707 with the Act of Union, which was passed by the Scottish Parliament and essentially joined together the Kingdom of England and the Kingdom of Scotland for all of eternity. Today, you can see battle cries of “Free Scotland” graffitied on the medieval stone and there seems to be a referendum every other week over whether Scotland should secede from the UK. The English occasionally make an effort to pretend to care.

The Stone of Destiny:

I confess I’ve never actually been inside Holyrood Palace or Edinburgh Castle because at this point in my British residency, I was completely castled-out. But when I do go inside the castle, it will be for one thing and one thing only…to see the Stone of Destiny.

The Stone of Destiny (also known as the Stone of Scone) has a long and complicated history. Or at least I thought it had a long and complicated history until my Scottish friend put it rather succinctly, “The Stone of Destiny is ours. The English stole it.”

(I try not to get in the middle of these things.)

There are several conflicting stories regarding how the Stone of Destiny got to England in the first place, or even if it did – one version has a group of monks hiding the stone in a river and tricking the English into looting a substitute as the spoils of war. In any case, its significance is that it’s been placed under the Coronation Chair at Westminster Abbey during the crowning ceremony of every English king or queen for the last 700 years.

Sometime in the 1950s, a group of students from the University of Glasgow broke into Westminster Abbey and managed to abduct the stone and drag it all the way back to Scotland (it weighs 336 lbs/152 kg), in the process breaking it into two pieces.

The English put out a search for it but it was useless. The stone was repaired and returned to England by the Scottish clergy. In 1996, the English returned the stone to Edinburgh Castle in a symbolic gesture (or more accurately, the Conservatives were worried that Tony Blair was going to win the election and thought that if they gave back the stone, perhaps the Scottish would vote for them…ha!)

And they all lived happily ever after.

There’s actually a lot more to the story, I seem to recall something involving an Irish gypsy camp in Kent… Now, I’m not sure how much of this is real and how much was embellished, but any stone that causes such an uproar deserves my vote.

Things to Do:

To be honest, there are so many “must sees” in Edinburgh (most of which are free) that it was really hard to narrow down the list to 10 but I tried:

#1. The Touristy Stuff

After you’ve exhausted all the main tourist draws in the Old Town – the typical itinerary starts at Edinburgh castle, continues down the Royal Mile, stops for a quick pose with Adam Smith’s statue before heading into St. Giles’ Cathedral (the official Church of Scotland and absolutely stunning), continues around the bend to Cowgate (which, my blunt American friend pointed out, “sounds like a scandal involving a politician having his way with a cow”) and ends at Grassmarket where you can snap pictures of the castle from below while you eat lunch in a nearby restaurant – you will then cross over to the New Town.

Be sure to stop by the [Sir Walter] Scott Monument on the edge of the Princes Street Gardens facing the main shopping thoroughfare (Princes Street) on the edge of the New Town. It takes 287 steps to reach the top, making it one of the highest monuments ever erected for a writer (you’ll be doing a lot of climbing on this trip).

On Princes Street you can find souvenirs such as cashmeres and kilts, but more importantly…

#2. Eat Shortbreads

If you come from a country where you didn’t grow up on shortbreads, you will spend the rest of the afternoon making up for lost time. However, since they’re about 99% pure butter, it’s probably a good idea to stop after 3 or 4 (or 1,000 calories – whichever comes first).

#3. Climb Arthur’s Seat

Like I said, you’ll be doing a lot of climbing on this trip.

A bit farther afield, in the middle of Holyrood Park is Arthur’s Seat, a large volcanic hill, which I highly recommend that you climb, and not just because of all those shortbreads you ate – the views from up there are stunning.

Don’t worry, the volcano won’t erupt; It’s been dormant for ages.

#4. Gawk at the Scottish Parliament Building

Not far from Arthur’s seat you’ll find the Scottish Parliament Building, a modern structure that you have to see with your own eyes in order to believe that it’s real and that you’re not hallucinating. Most people either love it or hate. I am firmly in the latter category. In fact, I’ve never felt so sure about anything in my whole life. I specifically make an annual pilgrimage just to gawk at it. If there’s one good reason why the Scottish should not declare their independence from the UK, it’s because their Parliament building is an abstract eyesore and a diplomatic incident waiting to happen.

 #5. Try Haggis

(If you’re in the middle of eating, put the fork down. I am about to describe Scotland’s national dish.)

Haggis is a mixture of sheep’s heart, liver, and lungs, minced with onions, oatmeal, raw beef fat (from the kidney I believe), salt, spices, and stock. It is cooked in the lining of an animal’s stomach and generally served with “neeps and tatties” (don’t worry, this just means mashed turnips and potatoes).

Don’t think about it. Just eat it.

If you’re a vegetarian, (there actually is a vegetarian version of haggis but) an equally Scottish and cardiac arrest inducing delicacy to try is the deep-fried Mars bar (exactly how it sounds – a chocolate bar fried in batter). I admit, I was repelled by the idea at first but they’re actually pretty good.

#6. Climb up Calton Hill

Did I mention that you’ll be doing a lot of climbing on this trip?

Another panoramic view will be awarded to you at the top of this hill, which is actually a cemetery. This isn’t unusual as Scotland has one of the highest cemeteries per capita I’ve ever seen (likely because of all the deep frying that goes on). Edinburgh specifically has quite a long history with body snatching to the point where you’ll see padlocked grates hovering over gravestones, a technique used back in the day to prevent the body snatchers from digging up and stealing the dead bodies.

While you’re on Calton Hill, you can visit David Hume’s tomb and look for the statue of Abraham Lincoln (who wasn’t Scottish) at the memorial for Scottish American soldiers of the American Civil War.

#7. Go to Hogwarts

Harry Potter fans will appreciate having lunch at the Elephant House where just a little while back, a struggling author and single mother sat down by a window, looked out at the vista of Edinburgh Castle, and gave birth to the Harry Potter series. It’s located in the Old Town (upper layer) on George IV Bridge just above Cowgate.

If you’re an obsessive Harry Potter fan, you can also get a campus tour of Fettes College, which was the inspiration for J. K. Rowling’s Hogwarts. It’s one of the most prestigious prep schools in the UK with its most famous alumni being former Prime Minister Tony Blair and James Bond (I have so many things I want to say here…)

A note on semantics: In the UK, elementary or “primary school” is until age 11 or “year 6,” high school is until the age of 16 or “year 11” followed by two years of college (called “sixth form” – no idea why) where there are standardized tests called GCSEs. If you pass those, you go on to take your A-levels. And then, if you make it that far, there’s university. It’s actually more complicated than that because there are differences between England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland and further differences between the state/comprehensive schools (what Americans call “public schools”) and the public schools (what Americans call “private schools”). In general, college is after high school but before university but college can also just mean a really posh high school. If you’re more confused now than you were before you started reading this paragraph, you’re probably not alone. Spend a week here and you’ll start to figure out that the structure of the Hogwarts education system wasn’t really all that imaginative to the British audience.

#8. Water of Leith

Did you know that Edinburgh has a river flowing through it? Neither did I until a good friend of mine took me trekking through there one day.

It’s tucked away and a bit difficult to find but if you go to the end of Princes Street and continue onto Queensferry Road, you’ll eventually hit Dean’s Bridge. Just before the bridge, there’s an offshoot called Bells Brae and you’ll continue down the hill until you see the river. It’s a quaint little area – an oasis of countryside on the middle of the city where you’ll hear nothing but the serene sound of the river flowing.

#9. Go to Leith

My friends from Edinburgh would scoff at this suggestion. Let’s just say Leith has a bit of a reputation.

But my opinion is, you never get to really see a city until you interact with the locals, and there’s very little in the way of local interaction when you’re on the Royal Mile or Princes Street. Leith is a far more Edinburghy Edinburgh. It’s actually one of the oldest neighborhoods in the city and is the official port of Edinburgh. In recent years, it’s really cleaned up and is worth a visit if you have the time. You don’t necessarily need an itinerary, just walk or take the bus to Elm Row/Leith Walk and you’ll find an assortment of pubs and restaurants to choose from. Most of them will be much cheaper than central Edinburgh.

And if you get to the end (you’ll know when you hit the sea) there are several cool things to do on the waterfront, for instance the Royal Yacht Britannia (literally Her Majesty’s Ship) and the Ocean Terminal shopping centre.

#10. Drink

Irn Bru is a neon orange infusion that is Scotland’s national soft drink. The stuff is so toxic that it’s actually banned in the US (and considering what isn’t banned in the US, you’ll understand what I mean by toxic). You can even order it in a cocktail mix in bars.

Edinburgh has the best coffee in the United Kingdom. I don’t know if this is actually true but from my experience it is. You can get a great cappuccino at Circus [8 St Mary’s Street, just off the Royal Mile] or have a real “Scottish coffee” in any of the pubs. I recommend the Albanach [179 High Street] as it’s right on the Royal Mile and frequented by locals as well as tourists.

And of course there’s whiskey…

And more whiskey…

And more whiskey…

When to Go:

The most popular times to visit are during the Fringe Festival (August) and Hogmanay (New Year), but Edinburgh is a magical city all year round. If you’re there in December, be sure to check out the Christmas market in the Princes Street Gardens. They have reindeer.

Related articles

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acts_of_Union_1707
• http://www.cracked.com/funny-218-britain/
• Edinburgh Castle (peaceloveandjetlag.wordpress.com)
• Edinburgh Castle win UK heritage attraction award (scotsman.com)
• Tartan and Haggis and The Beatles, Oh My! (atravelingstudent.wordpress.com)
• Edinburgh Castle & The Britannia – Edinburgh, United Kingdom (travelpod.com)

TOP 10 Activities to Add to Your Bucket List

Last month,  I finally ticked off the Great Wall of China on my bucket list. It had been nagging at me for quite some time. On an impulse, I booked round trip tickets to Beijing and I’m so glad I did it.

Here are a list of 10 activities you should add to your bucket list:

1. Climb Mt Kilimanjaro

2. Sleep at the Grand Canyon

3. Go skydiving in New Zealand

4. Bathe an elephant in Thailand

5. Trek Machu Picchu

6. Go on safari in Namibia

7. Kayak down the Amazon River

8. Ski the Alps

9. Scuba Dive in the Great Barrier Reef

10. Climb Mt Everest

What are some other activities you have on your bucket list?

The comment section awaits…

Related articles

• The Top 10 {Travel} Bucket List (nonbillablehoursblog.com)
• Fall Bucket List (lifeaftertravel.wordpress.com)
• The Bucket List (prettyinpinkribbon.wordpress.com)
• Bucket List. (paisleyanchor.wordpress.com)